I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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