What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
