just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
