That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
