I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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