every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
