I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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