I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
