I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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