Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
