The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
