Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
