I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
