been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
