When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
