so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
