Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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