And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
