Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
