I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
