bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
