I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
