The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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