I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
