He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The ass gains better be worth it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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