I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
