This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
