I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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