my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
