An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
