You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
