This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
