Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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