just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
