Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
