no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
