Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
