Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
