also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
