when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
