come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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