after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
