Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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