i just wanna soil my oats bro
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
