I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
