you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
