I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We are two peas in an std pod
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
