and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
