I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
