Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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