How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
